


Easy To Love

by fallenforsupernatural



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: BDSM, Bottom Jensen, Crossdressing, Dom Jared, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Pornstars, Top Jared
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-05
Updated: 2015-04-05
Packaged: 2018-03-21 10:47:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3689367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fallenforsupernatural/pseuds/fallenforsupernatural
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jensen Ackles is one of the best in the whole porn business, and Jared is the sweet new costar he works with. In porn, Jensen's learned it's bad to become attached. But it's hard to ignore Jared's constant happiness and his patient friendship, not to mention the fantastic sex. The rule about no boyfriends still holds, however, and Jared doesn't understand that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Easy To Love

**Author's Note:**

> This is legitimately the porniest fic I've ever written. There is a lot of sex, a dash of angst, and a fluffy ending. and porn.

The cold metal ball pressed against Jensen’s tongue, a reminder of his submission. His knees were sore and no matter how many times he shifted, kneeling on concrete sent paints up his joints. Goosebumps popped up on his arms from the cold and he wished that he had some clothes or a blanket. Hell, if he could even rub his hands across the shivering skin it would be okay, but they were bound behind him in rope that would leave marks. Jensen groaned. It looked pretty hopeless right now.

“Ready to behave?” A smooth voice crooned. “Are you going to be my sweet little sub now?”

Jensen felt the tickle of a whip across his back. He craned his head around to meet the eyes of his captor, but it was too dark for Jensen to see anything except a huge shadow. He could smell leather and wanted to laugh. Clad in all leather, how typical of a Dom. Jensen wanted to force out a reply but the gag prevented any coherent sound. “What’s wrong?” The Dom taunted. “Cat got your tongue?”

Jensen glowered and mentally cursed the man. “Aw, sweetie, don’t be like that,” The man said. His hand brushed against the tip of Jensen’s achingly hard cock. “After all, I’m the only way you’re going to orgasm tonight. You might want to treat me nicely.” The Dom used the whip to tease Jensen’s cock. Precome drizzled on the top and Jensen’s body bucked when the man licked it off. “So sensitive. I like it. You’re going to be a very good sub for me, aren’t you?” Jensen felt the man’s warm breath against his neck and soft lips kissed the skin. “I’m going to make you fall apart, love, and then I’m going to put you back together.” The whip dragged across Jensen’s back again. “Ready, sweetheart?”  
Jensen shook his head but the man laughed. “I’d ask you to count, but your mouth is a bit preoccupied. No worries.” He brought the whip down hard against Jensen’s back and he let out a cry of pain. “ _One_.”

***

“Cut!” The director’s voice yelled.

Jensen relaxed in his bonds and heard the whip drop. Deft fingers undid the ball gag and it tumbled out of Jensen’s mouth. “You okay, dude?” Jared asked.

Jensen stretched his jaw a couple times and then nodded. “Good scene, dude. Am I bleeding?”

Jared snorted. “What, do you think I’m an amateur? You’re pretty red but no blood. Want me to get some ice?”

“Nah, it needs to stay red for the next scene,” Jensen replied. “Can you get me some water though? My throat is dry from that awful gag.”

“Hey, it could be the penis gag,” Jared pointed out. He grabbed a water bottle and tipped it back so Jensen could swallow a couple mouthfuls. “Yikes, your dick has gotta hurt. How long have you been hard?”

Jensen winced. “An hour, give or take.” He yawned. “Man, I’m ready to get home. One more scene and then we can wrap up?”

Jared bounced on his feet, joy in his eyes. Jensen again wondered how the sweet puppy of a kid could turn into the domineering man that had Jensen tied up in a “basement”. When the camera was on him, though… Jared could really do magical things. “I want a burger. So many burgers. With cheese and onions and–,”  
“Jared,” Jensen scolded. “Shut up. I’m in a cock ring, my dick hurts, my back hurts, my legs hurt, and my shoulder hurts. Do I look like I want to think about food right now?”  
Jared looked offended, like there was never an opportunity to _not_ think about food. “But…okay, fine, don’t look at me like that. We’ll get the cameras going and then we can cart your pretty ass home. How’s that sound, Jennybean?”

“I will whip you,” Jensen muttered.

Jared winked. “Sorry, Jenny. I’m the one cracking the whip here.”  
Before Jensen could come up with a witty retort, Eric yelled, “Action!”

***

Jensen braced himself for the next crack against his back. “Two,” The man continued. Jensen didn’t expect the tender kiss on his head or the warm coo in his ear. “That’s it, sweetie. You take it so well, hardly even make a noise,” The Dom murmured. “I’m gonna give you ten, okay? And then maybe I’ll let you come. How does that sound? Do you want that?”  
It sounded the same way someone would talk to their dog, but the promise of orgasms had Jensen weakly nodding. “Good choice,” the man said. “You can call me ‘Master.’ I should have established that sooner, but I would really like to hear you scream it when you come. Or make whatever noise you can behind that pretty little gag.”

Master picked up the whip; Jensen heard it rustle. “Good boy,” he said. He snapped the whip down hard and Jensen screamed into the gag. It was painful, oh god it was painful, but his erection hadn’t died down. The pain was as wonderful as the pleasure and as the whip came down again and again Jensen wanted to come more and more. His back had to be flaming red now and he wouldn’t be able to lie on his back for a week, but Master was crooning into his ear and telling Jensen how good he was being. Jensen hated being submissive and he cursed the bastard for tying him up and locking him in a basement, but his body yearned for the man’s touches and whispers.

“Ten,” Master finished. “See, that wasn’t so hard.”

Jensen wanted to yell but he was struggling to breath through his sobs. “Shh, deep breaths,” Master said. “We don’t want you to suffocate around that gag. I may be kinky, but I draw the line at necrophilia. And I haven’t gotten to try out this pretty ass yet.” Master smacked his ass and Jensen keened. He was in so much pain and he needed to come, _now_. Master promised and Jensen tried to convey his demand through glaring.

Master chuckled. “That’s right, I promised orgasms, didn’t I?” He bent down and unclasped the cock ring.  Jensen’s rock hard dick bounced against his stomach and Master’s hands explored his body eagerly. “Pretty,” He declared. He tweaked a nipple and whispered, “ _Come,_ ” against Jensen’s neck.

Jensen howled and his orgasms shot out of him. It was heavenly and his body sagged forward into Master’s arms. “Good boy,” he repeated. “My pretty sub, you took it so well. I’m so proud.”

Jensen preened and decided that he’d earned a nice, long rest.

***

“Cut!” Eric yelled again. “Print! That’s a wrap, guys.”   
“Thank god,” Jensen muttered into his gag. One of Jared’s hands snaked around to undo the gag and Jensen spit it out. “I fucking hate that thing.”

“Whatever, man.” Jared glanced at the ball gag rolling on the “basement” floor. “That’s got to be unsanitary.”   
“We disinfect the toys, dumbass,” Jensen said.

“Jerk,” Jared muttered. He helped Jensen to his feet and undid the ropes holding his arms back. He moaned at the feeling of behind upright and stretched out his sore muscles. “Want me to massage you?” Jared offered.

Jensen waved it off. “I’ll just take a bath when I get home. Can you give me a ride?”   
“Don’t I always?” Jared replied. He shuffled his feet and blushed. “Hey, so, I was thinking that tomorrow, well—if you wanted, we could go to–,”

“Jensen! Jared!” Eric interrupted that moment and Jensen frowned.  He’d wondered what the rest of Jared’s sentence was but the bubbly costar had a smile on his face and was listening to whatever Eric had to say. “…does that sound good?”

“What?” Jensen jerked himself out of his reverie. “Does what sound good?”  
Jared snorted. “Wake up, Ackles. He’s asking us to do another film together. With there be more leather?” He pinched at his outfit. “As sexy as I look, it’s not the most comfortable outfit. What if I was a dom with an inclination for sweatpants?”

Jensen rolled his eyes. “Then you’d be the least threatening Dom ever. You’d be a frat boy with a complex.”

Jared tapped his chin. “We could do some kinky stuff with that. You could be a cheerleader and wear a nice skirt–,”  
“No,” Eric interrupted. “The script will be emailed to you both. Now I need to go, but a nice day to both of you and thanks for your hard work!”  
Jensen turned to Jared when Eric was gone. “What were you asking me?”  
Jared’s smile dimmed slightly. “Oh, nothing. Just wondered if you were watching the Cowboys game tomorrow.”  
“Of course, dude,” Jensen replied. “I’ll see you Monday.”   
“Yeah,” Jared echoed. “Monday.”

Jensen left with the feeling that he’d missed something very important.

~~~~~ **Jared** ~~~~~~

Jared knew it was stupid to get attached to a sub, especially _Jensen Ackles_. Jensen had a reputation of being a love ‘em and leave ‘em guy, and man, had he left a lot. A string of broken hearts followed Jensen around a mile long, and Jared was fearful he would become one of them. When Jared found out his agent had scored him a role with Jensen—well, he almost fainted.

Their first film went about as perfect as Jared had wanted. He was on the verge of asking Jensen out on a date at the end, but fucking Kripke had butted in. Jared forgave him quickly when he found out he was going to be acting with Jensen again and silently prayed that the script would have Jensen in a cheerleading skirt. He could jack off to the image of Jensen’s shirt pushed up while Jared spanked him and then fucked his tight ass…

Little Jared was becoming too interested and Jared palmed his crotch to get rid of his hard on. It didn’t help much, as Jared had expected, but it was bad to get hard when Jensen was sitting next to him in the car, chattering about who knows what. Jared was distracted by his perfect lips and remembered what they looked like with a gag in them. They’d probably look even better with Jared’s cock sliding between his lips while Jared told him what a good boy he was.

“So, I’ll see you Monday,” Jensen said. Jared hadn’t even realized they’d reached Jensen’s house, but he’d stopped automatically. His body knew the way to Jensen’s house; they’d been driving there together for a week now.

“Have a nice weekend,” Jared replied. “Get some rest. Your ass might be sore.”   
Jensen stretched and his shirt rode up, exposing a thin line of flesh that Jared ached to lick. “My whole body’s gonna be sore. Thanks for that, _Master_.”   
Jared shivered and hoped that Jensen didn’t notice how much that turned him on. “Anytime, _sweetie_.” Jensen laughed and it was the best noise in the world. He waved goodbye and Jared took off before he could do something stupid, like jump out of the car and beg Jensen to kiss him.

Jared reached his own house quickly and hopped in the shower, his hand immediately going to his dick. He jacked off with the image of Jensen in his head and came as quick has he had since he was a teenager.

 ~~~~~ **Jensen** ~~~~~~

Jensen liked Jared.

It was the first time he’d genuinely _enjoyed_ getting tied up and whipped. He’d always liked pain, of course, otherwise he wouldn’t be doing these shoots. But the other people he’d worked with expected Jensen to be as desperate for cock as his character was and it was tiring reminding them that Jensen was not the same needy bitch he was in the movies.

Jared wasn’t anything like those assholes. He was funny and light and respected Jensen’s space. Plus, when Jared was wearing leather and running the whip over Jensen’s body… well, sometimes he didn’t even need a fluffer.

He had an inkling that Jared’s original question wasn’t whether or not Jensen was watching the Cowboys game. He suspected Jared had wanted to ask him out so Jensen was grateful that Eric interrupted. Turning down Jared would be harder than turning down all the other assholes, because he could probably really like Jared. It would be painful to see the crushed look on Jared’s otherwise happy face. Jensen would do it, of course, because Jensen didn’t date. He’d learned that dating with his profession never turned out well.

*

The script arrived in Jensen’s email on Sunday. It wasn’t the same intensity as their first movie, but Jared wasn’t any less dominant and Jensen was the same submissive. He chuckled when he read it, imagining the happy look on Jared’s face. Looks like Jared got his wish, and Jensen would be dressed up pretty in a cheerleading skirt. Instead of a frat boy, however, Jared was the quarterback who enjoyed Jensen’s pretty lips and tight ass.

On Monday, around 7:00, he heard a honk in front of his house. He hadn’t even finished his coffee and was in no mood to shoo away some asshole looking to get laid. When he opened the door, however, he was met with Jared’s car and his beaming face with the window rolled down. “C’mon, princess! We’re gonna be late!”

Jensen shook his head and sniggered. How this guy could pose for such a scary Dom was beyond Jensen.

“So,” Jensen started. “What made you decide to be a pornstar?”  
Jared shrugged, hands on the wheel and eyes straight ahead. He glanced over and Jensen with a quick smile and replied, “I wanted to be an actor. I stared in a couple high school plays and found I loved it, so I blew off college and decided to head to L.A. Turns out being an actor here is nothing like being an actor in San Antonio High School, shockingly.” Jared rolled his eyes at his stupidity. “When I saw an audition for a film, open to newcomers, I decided to try out.” He chuckled. “Turns out it was porn. The money was good, though, so I went through with it, and I guess I was a pretty good Dom because they asked me back. And that’s sort of how it happened. What about you?”

“Similar,” Jensen replied. “Went out to be an actor, down on my luck, and my idiot roommate said I had lips like a pornstar. So I hunted down an audition and my lips really do look like a pornstar’s.”

“Did you expect to be this famous?” Jared asked. “I mean, I practically fainted when I saw I was working with you. Not to be creepy but I totally jerked off to your movies.”   
Jensen tossed his head back and laughed. “I’m flattered.”

They spent the rest of the ride bantering and Jensen liked Jared more and more each passing second. The arrival at the set felt too soon. “Well, you better go get dolled up,” Jared said. “Get your pretty skirt on, Jenny.”   
“Gonna kick your ass,” Jensen muttered. “Fucking jock.”  
Jared blew him a teasing kiss and headed towards the costume trailer.

 

***

Jensen was adjusting his skirt and twisted in the mirror to admire his ass. The mirrors in the locker room couldn’t accentuate exactly how pretty he was; Jensen doubted they’d been cleaned in the last century. But he was pretty and he damn well knew it, as did everyone else. He ignored the catcalls in the hallways and the bonehead jocks that insisted he needed a good hard fucking to put him in his place. Jensen didn’t need anyone “putting him in his place. Jensen knew his place, and it was miles above those idiots.

“Look who it is,” A low voice drawled. “Little Jenny.”

Jensen spun around to find the voice. Of course. Jared Padalecki, the quarterback and a supposed _god_. He’d be nothing if it weren’t for Texas’ weird obsession with high school football, and Padalecki should know that. “Oh, I was hoping it was someone worth my time,” Jensen sighed, put out. He turned back towards the mirror and watched Jared’s eyes narrow.

“You shouldn’t talk like that,” Padalecki muttered. “Things like that can get a pretty girl in trouble.”   
“I’m sure they could,” Jensen replied. “Though, even though you boneheads seem to forget, I am not a girl. Sorry to disappoint.”

“Oh, Jenny,” Padalecki purred. “Not disappointed at all. You’re so pretty you practically are a girl, especially when you shake your ass in that skirt.”

Jensen snorted. “I bet language like that gets you all the girls.”

“Most of them trip over each other to get me,” Jared said. “I can appreciate the female figure, but it’s never been a wet pussy that’s turned me on. No, I prefer a figure more like _yours_.”

Jensen hadn’t realized how close Jared was until he was grabbing his ass. “What the fuck?” Jensen exclaimed. “Get your slimy hands _off_ me.”

Jared pushed forward until he was boxing Jensen against the tile wall with his arms. “A pretty thing like you? No, I’m gonna keep my hands all over you, little tease.”

Much to Jensen’s displeasure, Jared Padalecki was fucking gorgeous. His arm muscles bulged around Jensen and his cock started to get hard. Padalecki noticed and chuckled. “You may dislike me, Jenny, but your body feels differently.” His hand slid under Jensen’s skirt and cupped the bulge. He massaged Jensen’s dick and balls a little bit and Jensen whined. It felt so good, and it had been so long since he’d had a real man touching him like this.

“Get off me,” Jensen demanded breathlessly.

Jared snaked his head under Jensen’s head to lick at his neck. The feeling sent shivers down Jensen’s body and his push was weak at best. “You tell me to stop,” Jared said, “ _convincingly,_ and I’ll back off right now.” His head nibbled on Jensen’s pulse point and his fingers traced back to press against Jensen’s perineum. Even through his underwear it sent wonderful sensations up Jensen’s spin. Jared’s fingers moved backwards to tease the cotton-covered ass. “Tell me to stop, Jenny.”   
“It’s Jensen,” Jensen gritted out, but didn’t tell Jared to stop. It felt too good.

“Sorry, Jenny,” Jared rumbled. “You wanna get fucked, you go by my rules now.”

***

“Cut!” Eric yelled. “Nice work.”   
Jared beamed at him and Jensen shook his head in wonder. “What?” Jared asked.

“You’re like a puppy in real life,” Jensen explained. “But when you’re on camera, you’re all professional and dominant. It’s so different.”   
Jared winked. “Acting, baby. Also, how thrilled are you that we got this scene? I mean, it’s exactly what I wanted.”

“You wanted frat boy with an affinity for sweatpants,” Jensen pointed out. “Not a tight spandex football uniform.”   
Jared winced. “I don’t know how people play in these. My dick is suffocating.”  
“I’m pretty sure yours is tighter than regulation,” Jensen said. “For aesthetic purposes.”

Jared palmed his crotch. “Are you saying my dick is pretty, Jensen?”

“Don’t get too cocky, Jared,” Jensen scolded. “Save it for the film.”   
“Alright, Jenny.” Jared winked. “You look good in that skirt, by the way.”

Jensen blushed and ignored Jared’s happy laugh. Jensen sighed. He could really see himself falling for this man.

***

“Bend over,” Padalecki demanded.

Jensen huffed, but followed his order. His skirt flipped up and Jensen reached up to pull it back down. The quarterback grabbed his arms and forced them back down. “No touching. I want you to watch yourself in the mirror, Jenny. I want you to watch everything I give you and how pretty you’ll look when my dick is inside your ass.”

“What are you going to do?” Jensen asked. “If you hurt me, I’ll fucking kick your a–,”

“Manners, Jenny,” Jared scolded. “That’s not very ladylike.”

“I hate you,” Jensen muttered. “You think you can do whatever you want because some mindless high schoolers find you relatively okay at a lame ass sport.”

“Yet you haven’t asked me to stop,” Jared pointed out. “Just say the word, pretty.”

Jensen grumbled angrily but allowed Jared to continue. “Good girl,” Jared taunted. “Now _watch_.”

Jensen braced himself for whatever Jared had planned and jumped in surprise when he felt his hand smack his ass. “Like that?”  
“No,” Jensen lied.

Jared chuckled and brought his hand down again. “Wish I had a paddle,” Jared commented. “I’d spank that ass raw so you couldn’t sit for _weeks_.” He shoved Jensen’s underwear down so his next swat landed on bare skin. Jensen cried out in pain and Jared paused to massage Jensen’s ass before continuing. Jared’s hands landed on different parts of Jensen’s ass on each stroke, alternating cheeks and even right over his anus. Jensen shouted and Jared was surprisingly gentle with his next hit.

“You’re so pretty,” Jared praised. “I’d love to tie you up and play with you. I’d spank you raw, then fuck you and then plug up your ass so my come stays in there. I’d put you in a cock ring so you couldn’t come for hours, and maybe shove a vibrator up your ass until you’re crying. I’d choke you on my dick until you were begging for mercy.”

Jensen moaned loudly, his dick pulsating. As much as he hated Jared, those things sounded incredibly hot. Jared chuckled. “You like that, don’t you? Little slut. So hot, Jenny.”

“If you’re gonna fuck me, get it over with,” Jensen growled.

“No,” Jared replied. He bent Jensen over so his hole was on full display and admired the pink pucker. “Have you ever had anyone else in here, Jensen?”

Jensen mumbled no, and Jared said, “Sorry, can you repeat that?”  
“No, okay!” Jensen snapped. “Just my fingers, and… toys.”

“I bet no one’s done this,” Jared murmured.

“Done wh—oh holy _fuck_!” Jensen cried. Jared’s tongue lightly brushed across his hole and Jensen squealed. “Oh, oh!”

“Like it, huh?” Jared taunted. “You want to hate me, but I’m eating you out and all you want to do is beg for more.”

“Please,” Jensen begged. “Do it again!”

“With pleasure,” Jared purred. His tongue teased Jensen’s ass while his hands explored Jensen’s legs. He stroked the firm muscle and his tongue started to wiggle inside Jensen. The cheerleader sobbed with how wonderful he felt. Oh, he wanted Jared to do this all the time. “I’m gonna get you nice and wet,” Jared said against his ass. “Then I’m gonna fuck you.”

“Yes,” Jensen agreed. “Please! Oh god, keep doing that.”   
Jared ate Jensen out with vigor until he felt like was going to come. “I’m gonna–,” Jared pulled away and Jensen keened. “No!”

“You’re not going to come before I fuck you,” Jared growled. “Got it?”

“Please,” Jensen pleaded. “Fuck me!”

“Since you insist,” Jared teased. Jensen hated the control he had over him, but right now he was thinking with his dick, and his dick wanted Jared. Jared stuffed two fingers inside his ass and stretched him until he was nice and open for his cock.

“Ready?” Jared asked.

Jensen glared at him in the mirror. “I’ve been ready for a while now, asshole. Get on with it!”

“Bitch,” Jared snapped. He shoved his cock in and the full feeling sent Jensen to cloud nine. Why hadn’t they been doing this for months? Jared pulled out and then his hips snapped forward, sending Jensen slipping forward on the wet tile. Jared looped an arm underneath Jensen to keep him stable and continued to fuck him ruthlessly. Jensen was letting out little whimpers of pleasure and Jared’s grunts sounded like he was just as horny.

“Your ass is so tight,” Jared growled. “Jesus. Fucking virgin, it’s driving me nuts. Fuck!”

Jensen wanted to pull on his cock but Jared stilled him. “You’re going to come on my cock or you’re not going to come at all, understand?”  
“No,” Jensen sobbed. “I can’t, I can’t!”

“You _can_ ,” Jared said fiercely. “And you _will_.” His hips adjusted and then hit something that sent Jensen spiraling with pleasure. “That’s your prostate,” Jared explained. “Feels good, huh?”  
“Ughn,” Jensen panted. His hips were spasming and his cock dripped precome. Jared shoved his cock against Jensen’s prostate again and with a scream he came against the mirror. His eyes rolled back in his head with the force of his orgasm and felt Jared come in his ass.

They stayed like that for a little bit, before Jared helped Jensen to sit on a bench. Come dripped down his thighs and Jared swiped a finger through it. “Lick,” he demanded, offering the finger to Jensen. He did obediently and purred as Jared stroked his hair. “Gimme a call sometime, pretty,” Jared said. “I’ve got a lot of tricks up my sleeve.”

Jensen blinked sleepily. “Hm?”

“You think your ass hurts now,” Jared said. “Wait until next time.”

***

“Cut!” Eric’s voice echoed. Jensen slumped against the bench, exhausted.

“Fuck, that was hot,” Jared muttered. “I’ll never do anything else better than that. Thanks a lot, Jensen. You’ve ruined my porn career.”

Jensen laughed weakly and rolled over to face Jared. “You weren’t too bad yourself.”

Jared beamed. “Wanna come over to my house to celebrate?”

 _No_ , Jensen should have said. _We need to part ways now. It’s better not to linger_. “Sure,” Is what Jensen actually said. “I’d love to.”

 _Fucking idiot_.

*

Jared lived in a smaller apartment than Jensen, but it was homey. There were pictures of his family and friends everywhere. It was cozy, instead of Jensen’s huge and impersonal apartment. “I’ve got whiskey,” Jared announced. “A good one, too. Bought it with my first paycheck.”   
Jensen raised an eyebrow. “You spent your first paycheck on _alcohol_?”  
“Dude,” Jared said. “I was a starving, workless actor. For the first time ever I could buy a decent bottle of alcohol.”

“Fair enough,” Jensen conceded. “I’d love some.”   
“Go see if there’s a game on,” Jared suggested. Jensen found one quickly, and let Jared hand him a glass of whiskey. He downed it quickly—it really was excellent alcohol. Jared refilled both their glasses and clinked them together. “To a well done porn movie.”

Things got kind of blurry after that.

*

Jensen had lost track of how much they’d drunk, but it was enough to be completely uninhibited. He was fairly sure they’d stumbled up to Jared’s bedroom and the younger man had given him a rim job, and then fucked Jensen into the mattress. He remembered kissing Jared passionately and then falling asleep with their legs tangled and filled with absolute contentment.

*

When light shone through the curtains and roused Jensen from his sleep, he blinked at the unfamiliar environment. When he felt Jared’s warm arm around him and realized his own head was tucked under Jared’s chin, everything came back. _Shit_. He fucked Jared. Their sex was awesome but it wasn’t supposed to last beyond the camera. He tried to get up sneakily but Jared yawned and woke up. “Jn’sen?”

“Hey, buddy,” Jensen said. “Go back to sleep. I’m just heading out.”

Jared looked more alert. “Why? I thought we could get breakfast together, and then go out. We could see a movie and then–,”  
“Jared,” Jensen cut off. “What do you think this is?”  
Jared frowned. “I thought you liked me. You said you wanted to come back with me, and then we had drinks, and then sex. You stayed the night, Jensen!”

“Because I was _hammered_ ,” Jensen explained. The hangover was starting to set in and he was getting really cranky. “Jared, it was a casual fuck. We had good sex and now it’s over. Maybe we’ll do a movie together again, maybe not.”

Jared still looked confused. “You’re just… leaving? Can I get your number?”  
“Jared!” Jensen exclaimed. “This doesn’t mean anything! We have nothing between us! It was sex, Jared. Meaningless, pointless, sex!” He grabbed his shirt from the floor and tugged it on. “Get the fuck over it.”

Jensen didn’t even realize it was possible for one face to express so much sadness. He felt like a complete asshole, but it was better Jared learned this lesson now. “But we had a good time,” Jared protested weakly.

“Having a boyfriend in the porn industry is bad, Jared. There’s jealousy, which leads to resentment, and then we’re _both_ miserable,” Jensen explained. “We need to stop before it starts.”

Jared ducked his head and Jensen tried to ignore the way his lip quivered. “I guess you can see yourself out,” He mumbled.

“Bye, Jared,” Jensen said.

“Yeah,” Jared muttered. “Bye.”

 ~~~~~ **Jared** ~~~~~~

Jared didn’t know what he’d expected.

If he thought that he could be someone who changed Jensen, he must have been even more blind than he thought. The one thing Jared hadn’t wanted to be was one more pathetic, heartbroken man who’d believed Jensen Ackles might love him.

*

Jared spent the next few days inside with sweatpants and a sweatshirt, eating nothing but pizza delivered to his door and then heated up the next morning. He’d eaten all the ice cream in his freezer but couldn’t bear to live and get more. Jared cried for the first day and then spent the next three days in the most pathetic moping stage since he was a teenager.

“You need to get over it,” Jared told himself. “He doesn’t care about you. He doesn’t want you.” He decided to go to a gay club and tried and find someone to get his mind off Jensen. When he showed up, however, he instantly regretted it.

Jensen was there, grinding against some guy and looking like he was going to take him out and have sex. At least this stranger wouldn’t get his heart broken like Jared did. He was going t spin out of there, but Jensen looked up and his startling green eyes met Jared’s.

 ~~~~~ **Jensen** ~~~~~~

Jensen didn’t even know it was possible to be so sad.

The look on Jared’s face would be imprinted in Jensen’s mind for the rest of his life. He was the scum of the earth and would never forgive himself. It was probably the right thing to do; Jensen hadn’t been lying when he said that boyfriends in the porn business didn’t work out. No guy was immune to the idea that his boyfriend would be having sex with guys that weren’t them on a daily basis. Jared was so sweet and sensitive that it would break his heart into a million pieces, and Jensen didn’t want to lead him down that road.

But Jensen couldn’t stop thinking about how Jared might be crying in his apartment with no one to make him feel better. The guilt was crushing him and Jensen decided to go out and find an anonymous cock. It might not extinguish his guilt, but it might distract him for a few hours. He didn’t count on seeing Jared.

The man had looked so innocent and curious, but when Jared’s eyes found Jensen the sadness sprung right back on his face. Jensen wanted to hurt himself for putting that emotion on Jared’s happy face and pushed the guy away. “What the–,”  
“Sorry,” Jensen lied. “Bigger and better plans.” He ignored the dude’s annoying shouts and tried to reach Jared in the crowd. Jared had a headstart, though, and could easily get out faster. Jensen shoved people out of the way until he finally stumbled out the door and dashed in the same direction as Jared. “Jared!” He yelled. “Stop!”

Shockingly, Jared did. He froze on the street corner and let Jensen catch up to him. “What do you want?” Jared mumbled.

Jensen pulled Jared’s arm so he was facing him. “I want to talk.”   
“Why?” Jared asked. “So we can fuck again and you can sneak out in the middle of the night? So you can remind me that I don’t matter to you? Sorry, not interested.”

“I want to apologize,” Jensen said. “I acted like an asshole, the worst kind of asshole. I’m so sorry. I never should have left you like that or said the things I said.”

“You know what the worst part is?” Jared told him. “It’s that even though you broke my heart, all I want to do is kiss you.”

Jensen gave into the urge and leaned up to press his mouth against Jared’s. The taller man made a tiny sob and then kissed Jensen back fervently. It was a hundred times better than porn and Jensen melted into the feeling. He didn’t expect Jared to push him off. “No! I’m not letting you fuck me over again!” He yelled. “Just—just go away!”

Jared turned and sprinted away, leaving Jensen too remorseful to move. He deserved it, but he couldn’t give up.

*

He turned up at Jared’s doorstep with two dozen flowers, a teddy bear, and a note. He rang the doorbell until Jared flung open the door and glared. “What do you want?”

Jensen offered the flowers and stuffed animal. “Here.”   
Jared took them but still looked angry. “Great. You’re all forgiven.”

“I knew that wouldn’t be enough,” Jensen said. “I need to do weeks of groveling before you should forgive me. But I thought you should have this.” He shoved the note to Jared.

He read it with a perplexed expression and then looked up. “What does this mean?”  
“I quit porn,” Jensen explained. “It wouldn’t have worked otherwise. I wouldn’t have been able to have sex if I were dating you—I wouldn’t even want to. So I quit, hoping that some day you might give me a chance.”

Jared looked at Jensen’s resignation until a smile formed on his face. “What are you going to do? You’re out of a job.”  
Jensen grinned. “My paycheck is substantially bigger than yours, Jay. And I’ve been doing this for years. I’ll be okay until I find a new job. All I want to worry about now is if someday you’ll forgive me.”

Jared’s eyes sparkled and he opened the door wider for Jensen to come in. “Someday.”

**

_Four years later_

Jared entered their apartment with a bright smile on his face. “I got the job!”

“Of course,” Jensen said. “They’d be stupid not to hire you.”

“I’m so happy,” Jared exclaimed. “Thank you!”

He swept Jensen into a big hug and the older man laughed. “For what?”

“Four encouraging me to go back to school, for always supporting me. For loving me,” Jared said.

Jensen cupped Jared’s face and kissed him lightly. The two of them hadn’t done porn in four years, and Jensen didn’t regret it for a day. “Oh Jared. You’re easy to love.”


End file.
